


In Which Hiccup Has No Impulse Control

by ThatFandomObsessedChick



Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Alcohol, Attempt at Humor, Awkwardness, Banter, Dare, Drunken Kissing, Excessive Drinking, F/M, Hangover, M/M, Swearing, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-20
Updated: 2018-06-20
Packaged: 2019-05-25 22:56:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14987387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatFandomObsessedChick/pseuds/ThatFandomObsessedChick
Summary: It started out so simply. Just a dare from cousin to cousin. What could go wrong? That was clearly the wrong question considering that these two cousins were very competitive, prideful and just to top it all off, they were both Vikings and no self respecting Viking ever, ever backed away from a challenge.





	In Which Hiccup Has No Impulse Control

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback and kudos would be appreciated, people.

It started out so simply. Just a dare from cousin to cousin. What could go wrong? That was clearly the wrong question considering that these two cousins were very competitive, prideful _and_ just to top it all off, they were both Vikings and no self respecting Viking ever, _ever_ backed away from a challenge. So when Snotlout dared Hiccup, it was just a guarantee that chaos and tears would ensue.

 

“You must be kidding me. There is no fucking way I'm doing that.” Hiccup exclaimed, slamming down his mug a little bit more vigorously than what was normal for him.

“Sorry, but it's either that or the forfeit, man.” Snotlout replied with a shrug as he gulped down the last of his mead.

“Waz f...” An impolite pause for a belch, “wazzzz for-forfit?” Tuffnut asked as he shoved his black out drunk sister from his personal space which she consistently slumped into. 

“Slapping dad on the ass then tell him that he looks sexy which I am not fucking doing, no fucking way, abso-fucking-lutely not doin' that, ever.” Hiccup replied, gulping down his half full mug in a swallow followed by a particularly wet hiccup that sounded like vomit was probably to follow soon.

“So you have to do the dare! No backing out.” Snotlout chortled happily, clearly the most sober on the table.

“I think this is a bad idea.” Fishlegs miserably moaned as he nervously chewed on a chicken leg bone that had been scraped clean of anything that was remotely edible.

“Oh come on, Hiccup, don't be such a coward! This dare is easy, and even if it goes horribly wrong, no one will even remember it in the morning, they're all drunk off their asses!” Astrid added, completely steamrolling over Fishlegs and his comment while waving around her wooded mug around like it was a baton.

“I can't believe this is happenin'. I need more drink for this.” Hiccup slurred as he got up onto unstable leg and a half and staggered over to a barrel of mead in an uncharacteristic show of gracelessness. He decided that it would be best if he dragged the entire barrel over to his table so they wouldn't have to travel so far (probably less than ten steps) to get a refill. 

 

After the brunette teen made it over to the barrel, he unwisely decided to pry off the lid of the barrel and dunk his entire head into the alcoholic beverage to apparently cool himself down while simultaneously getting a drink to quench his thirst due to his excessive work of noisily dragging a barrel ten paces to his table where the rest of the teens (minus a now sobbing Fishlegs) decided to draw the entire halls attention to them by cheering him on.

 

Disturbed by the noise, the table of adults that mostly consisted of the teen's parents including Stoick turned to look at the table of Berkian teens and immediately, they all gasped in horror when they saw Hiccup with his head submerged in a barrel of mead while the others all egged him on.

 

“Good grief, they are all extremely drunk; especially Hiccup who I thought would never be in such a state!” Astrid's mother exclaimed.

 

“Nope, Hiccup would happily drink me and Gobber under the table then continue until he literally passes out. It gets worse in the mornings, that boy is  _excellent_ at  projectile vomiting. I should probably get him an award.” Stoick replied, the adults nodding in agreement.

 

The situation got worse after Hiccup pulled his head out of the barrel shook his head like a dog. He was now probably one more mug of mead away from either vomiting all over the hall then passing out or passing out then vomiting while unconscious. Both outcomes highly unsavoury, especially for those who would have to clean it up before breakfast the following morning.

 

Hiccup dropped himself back at the table and promptly attached himself to Astrid who was a fair bit more sober than him. Astrid laughed at him while he rubbed his cheeks over her, nuzzling her and claiming he was a dragon. While the whole situation was funny, Snotlout, who had purposely drank as little as he could without drawing attention to himself, now realized that his younger cousin was so dangerously gone that he really would carry out the dare Snotlout had suggested. When Hiccup got drunk, it was like he was a completely different person. He swore almost every other word, he had so much confidence that it borderd on weird and doubled with his complete and utter disregard for personal boundaries, it was a recipe for disaster.

 

After Hiccup lost interest in Astrid, he declared in a drunkenly slurred voice that he was going to carry out Snotlout's dare. As his cousin left the table and awkwardly staggered over to the adults table, Snotlout hid behind his mug, unsure if he really wanted to see what was about to transpire.

 

“Heyyyyyy paaaaaa!” Hiccup exclaimed as he stumbled over to the table with most of their parents seated.

 

Stoick let out a world weary sigh while Gobber laughed at his friend's pain.

 

Hiccup tripped over the air and ended up flat on his face before anyone could help him and simply laid there for about a minute, completely still.

 

“Should someone help him?”

 

“Is he dead?”

 

“I think he needs some milk.”

 

“Hiccup? Are you alright lad?” Stoick asked as he began to stand to help his son from his position on the floor.

 

Before Stoick could reach him, Hiccup suddenly sat up and raised his left hand into the air.

 

“I have...RESERECTED!” He declared as he awkwardly tried to get back onto his feet. He made eye contact with his prosthetic and made a disgusted face. “What is this abomination on my foot? Piss off demon!”

 

Hiccup detached the prosthesis and launched it across the room, accidentally hitting a fellow tribe member in the head with it. The boy managed to push himself up using his arms and right foot but as soon as he tried to walk, he face planted again when no left foot was the there to support him.

 

“Daaaddeee! I've fallen and I can't get up!” Hiccup rolled onto his back as he yelled at the sealing.

 

“Thor almighty.” Stoick sighed as he went to scoop up his paralytic son from the ground.

 

He helped his son to the chair he had just vacated and sat him down. 

 

“I'm going to get you some water then we are going home. Can you sit down quietly until I get back?” Stoick asked softly, crouching down in front of the young heir.

 

Hiccup clumsily grappled for Stoick's face but got his hand stuck in his father's vast red beard.

 

After staring at his hand for a few awkward seconds, he stated, “My hand's stuck.”

 

Stoick plucked his son's hand from his hair.

 

“I have a speech, papa!” Hiccup declared after a soggy sounding hiccup.

 

“No, no, I'm going to get you some water.”

 

“No, get me some ale,”

 

“That's not happening, Hiccup.” Stoick sighed.

 

“You know, pa, you are the best man I ever knew, alright? You're so fucking great, like I bet even fucking sheep worship you.” Hiccup slurred, violently slapping Stoick on the shoulder.

 

“That's nice, Hiccup.” Stoick grumbled, thinking about how he was going to have to wash his son's mouth out with soap later for using such foul language.

 

“I love you, man, you're awesome!” Hiccups shouted as he squeezed Stoick's cheeks between his palms.

 

“Alright son.” Stoick removed Hiccup's hands from his face.

 

“You didn't say I love you back!” Hiccup whined pathetically.

 

“I love you too, now let me go get you some water.”

 

“Stoick the Vast! Chief of the Hairy Hooligan Tribe! Hear his name and tremble, ugh ugh!” Hiccup yelled as he waved both his hands around in the air.

 

“Bye, Hiccup, I'm getting you water now.” 

 

“Okay, get me some ale too, I need a drink!”

 

Stoick rolled his eyes and turned away from his son and went to find some water.

 

Hiccup sat silently at the table for a while, head swaying and eyes drooping as if he was about to fall asleep at the table. The entire table jumped when Hiccup suddenly jumped up and launched himself at Gobber who shrieked girlishly when he found himself with a lap full of drunk Hiccup.

 

“HEY SNOT! IMMA DO THE DARE NOW!” Hiccup shouted across the hall to his cousin who was watching the whole ordeal and really wanted to bury himself in the ground.

 

Snotlout refused to watch as Hiccup, who was currently straddling Gobber's lap, leaned forward and planted a gigantic, loud and wet kiss onto Gobber's mouth. Gobber let out a muffled shout and bodily lifted a giggling Hiccup off of him and sat him back on his chair.

 

“Stoick, come and take your mess of a son home before he causes any more problems!” Gobber's shouted as Stoick rushed back towards the table with a mug of water in his hand and an astonished look on his face.

 

Just as Stoick reached his son, Hiccup hiccuped then projectile vomitted all over himself and his father.

 

The entire hall stood still as Stoick the Vast stepped away from his son, covered in vomit. He slammed down the mug of water then shook his left hand to try and get rid of the foul smelling liquid that had just escaped his son's stomach.

 

“I threw up.” Hiccup stated.

 

“I can see that.” Stoick bluntly replied.

 

“I'm too hot.” Hiccup declared then promptly picked up the mug and poured the water over his head when shook out his hair like a dog, soaking anyone in close vicinity.

 

“Right, that's it! We are going home, Hiccup!” Stoick yelled, now thoroughly fed up with his son's nonsense.

 

“Noooooo I want to stayyyyyy!” Hiccup cried as he slid off the chair and into his own vomit.

 

“Hiccup! No! Don't lie in your- Oh nevermind, let's get you up then.” Stoick sighed.

 

“I can't seeeee!”

 

“Come on, Hiccup!”

 

“My head's heavy!” He cried as tried to hold his head. “Dad, can you hold my head?” Hiccup asked as he closed his eyes.

 

Stoick sighed for what felt like the hundredth time that night and finally resorted to picking up his son and taking him home.

 

“Put me down you vast fiend! Now that the demon is gone from my leg I can walk!” Hiccup declared while limply waving around his arms.

 

Hiccup was going to wake up the next morning with a very  _very_ sore head, Snotlout thought.

 

...

 

 

Snotlout was completely wrong. 

__

Hiccup walked into the Great hall the following morning, walking with a spring in his step and a grin on his face. It widened when he saw all his friends laying on the table in various stages of hung over depression.

 

“Oh my gods Hiccup! Your still alive!” Astrid exclaimed.

 

“Not so loud, demon, I can't see!” Ruff moaned as she slumped off the table.

 

“What does that have to do with anything?” Snotlout asked incredulously.

 

“How are you not hung over?” Tuffnut asked Hiccup as he sat down and dug into Astrid's plate of untouched food.

 

“I'm still drunk.” Hiccup giggling as he shoveled the food into his mouth.

“Really? How is that possible?” Fishlegs gasped.

“I don't fucking know. All I know is that I have and no fucking clue what happened last night but my dad is _pissed_.” Hiccup explained.

“So you didn't even get in trouble for it?” Tuffnut asked in surprise.

“No, he made me go over to the forge this morning and apologize to Gobber for some reason. I really don't know why but Gobber's won't even look me in the eye.”

The group just stared at him for a while the broke out into laughter.

 

“What's funny? I don't get it! What did I do?” Hiccup demand.

 

“Do you really want to know? Cause it was really bad, even for me it was bad.” Snotlout laughed as he leaned back with his arms behind his head, completely forgetting he was on a bench with no back therefore, falling onto the floor.

 

“Just tell me. I need to know why everyone keeps laughing at me.” Hiccup replied, the food that was in his mouth now bunched into his left cheek.

 

“You dunked your head in a barrel of mead, drunk like half of it then made an absolute ass of yourself in front of you're dad, his friends and the rest of the hall who were all staring, then you barfed all over yourself, your dad then you rolled in it  _and_ you straddled Gobber and tried to make out with him! The poor man was horrified. Your dad had to literally pick you up and carry you out of the hall since you were such a mess.” Snotlout explained.

 

Hiccup stared at Snotlout, eyes wide, shocked eyes; his spoon was half way to his mouth.

 

“Oh shit,” Hiccup gasped.

 

“Yeah, oh shit indeed. That is why everyone is laughing at you when you walk into a room and why Gobber can't look you in the eye.” Astrid explained, pushing the plate of food over to Hiccup as she simply wasn't hungry. “You also rubbed your cheeks over my chest area, if you get what I mean, at one point which was kinda weird.”

 

“I am so, sorry, Astrid.”Hiccup groaned in shame and covered his face with his hands.

 

“It's alright thought, you told me you were a dragon.” 

 

“That make's it worse!” Hiccup shrilly cried.

 

“Also, did Snotlout mention that he was the reason behind you making out with Gobber?” Fishleggs added, spooning a mouthful of lumpy oats into his mouth then gagging at the texture.

 

“Wait,  _what?”_  Hiccup looked up and locked gazes with his older cousin who was starting to shrink into himself.

 

“Yeah, Snotlout dared you to kiss Gobber and since you were so drunk, you did it.” Astrid supplied from Hiccup's left.

 

Hiccup locked eyes with Snotlout who now looked a little afraid.

 

“You fucking  _yak-brained ass hole!_ ” Hiccup yelled, “You know you can't dare me to do things when I'm drunk, I have literally no self control when I'm intoxicated!” 

 

Hiccup reached around Astrid, took a handful of slimy oats from Fishleg's bowl and lobbed it at his cousin's head. Snotlout screeched like a banshee and if the entire hall wasn't already watching, they would be now.

 

“Hiccup! You know how much I  _hate_ oats!”

 

“How much does he hate oats?” Ruffnut asked.

 

“He had a phobia of oats as a child. It was the only way I could control him.” Hiccup supplied, flicking the remnants at the slightly afraid boy.

 

“Shut up, Hiccup! At least I wasn't afraid of girls over twelve!”

 

“I was seven. Everyone was afraid of girls over twelve.”

 

“Man has a point.” Tuffnut agreed.

 

“Now a phobia of oats, on the other hand, is a stupid phobia.” Ruffnut added, pointing at Snotlout.

 

Snotlout crossed his arms angrily and mutter to himself under his breath.

 

“Anyway, now that I found out that it was your fault this all happened, I have a dare for you and if you don't do it, you have to go up to Mildew's and seduce him and knowing him, he will accept because it's you.” Hiccup announced with a slightly sadistic grin upon his face.

 

“Oh shit.” Snotlout sighed as the other teens oohed and laughed at his inevitable demise.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
